Friday, January 25, 2002
The Anal Retentive
You’ve seen them, the people with giant sticks up their backsides. Maybe you are one. Or were one, or are trying to become one. Now, being Anal Retentive isn’t altogether bad, it just tends to be grating for those around you. There exists a very fine line between being organized and on top of things and being Anal Retentive. Some say that being Anal Retentive is just having a lot of foresight and planning. I say it’s ignoring the beauty of the present to always worry about the unlikely possibilities of the future.
“Did you bring so-and-so?”
“You should park by Door C because it’ll enable us to get to Store E three seconds faster. And reverse in so we can just pull out to save some time.”
“We should go at exactly 3:43:21 to miss that car that always blocks the intersection.”
“What?!? You didn’t do it yet? But I need it next week!”
“You’re late.”
These statements and so many more are indicative of the Anal Retentive personality. This initial surge of Anal Retentiveness is not altogether useless (because everyone does need someone to keep things together) but the problem with AR is that it always evolves into something worse. The Anal Retentive, always aware of deadlines and potential potholes, tends to become easily stressed and is oftentimes high strung, much to the chagrin of any nearby friends.
Imagine for a moment, a day trip on a small boat. The Normal is just there to enjoy the moment and if a leak should occur, then he’ll start dealing with it. The Anal Retentive starts to calculate where the leaks MIGHT occur and preps the buckets IN CASE water starts showing up, all the while missing out on the majesty of the moment. The Laid Back, in the event of leakage simply says, “Fuck the buckets, let’s swim.” Is there a lesson here? Quite possibly.
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